My name is Blaise and I refuse to call myself a failure.
Even though I sometimes seriously feel like one.
Especially in the writing game.
For me, the point of a writing blog is to connect with other writers. In order for those connections to be healthy, I think it is utterly vital for the writer to be honest about vulnerabilities as much as successes. I don’t mean the false modesty of “oh I tried this silly thing and it ended up working out how weird am I” or the “I’m the only writer who does this thing woe is me.” I mean sharing some of the sweat and the tears and the blood.
And I feel harsh even writing it.
Being vulnerable is scary.
So let me start.
I’ve been writing for 15 years at least, and I have never finished a first draft of a novel. I’ve begun so many—some get to 10 thousand words, some get to a page, but they all have ended up abandoned. Many are still on my computer, though I’ve narrowed them down over the years to the ones that I think may have potential for revisiting. I currently have 9 major ones. Most of them don’t have proper plots. Many require heavy character development and worldbuilding. A couple are embarrassingly derivative. I would not say I have a plethora of ideas – I have a plethora of false starts.
All I want is to finish something.
All I want is to have a finished draft – characters that make people swoon, cry, laugh – writing that inspires someone out there – stories that keep people on the edge of their seats – a world that feels real – feedback and editing and “THE END.”
All I want is so much, and merely wanting it is, unfortunately, not enough. Willpower isn’t enough when depression, anxiety, a full-time job, a social life for the sake of mental health, and a mass of other things get in the way. It isn’t enough to form a routine, to have the perfect plan, when it feels impossible to stick to it.
Really, I just want something to work out. I want to figure out how to make this happen.
But how do I do?
I don’t know—and you know what? That has to be okay for now. This is Blaise, vulnerable and searching for a solution, signing off.